I saw her today. After about eight years, I saw her today. I was thrilled and happy, both at the same time to have seen her. She walked past me as I was entering Starbucks near the oxford street. It brought back all the memories that we’d had back then. Just seeing how much she had changed yet how similar she looked was something that just told me how much I love her, once again.
Eight years ago, I had met a girl at a public library. I worked there. Even though I did not have any love for books at all but I could take up any job I could get, back then, yet, that day, I did not want to go home. At least not until she was there. The way she was walking through and looking at all those books so passionately, with such extreme satisfaction in her eyes, anyone could tell that she had insane love for books in her heart too.
She just got those books issued from me and went away. The next day, I kept looking at the door to see if she’d come again but it was very much obvious that she wouldn’t. She didn’t. A week later though, she came back, returned the books and took another pile of them. That day we had another set of a little conversation. It was just a simple question of asking for a membership of the library but I at least managed to get her name and the address.
I kept seeing her for the next couple of weeks until the day she came, stood behind me and said something while I was looking for her in the library. I had seen her enter the library, so I was sure of her being in the library. A voice was heard and so I turned to look at her, for from the words, it was pretty much clear that it was her.
“Stop looking for me to keep staring once again, I’m behind you. You won’t be able to find me today until you have a ghostly set of eyes at the back of your head as well.”
I looked at her. She was smiling. I smiled too. We started and with some courage, I asked her for a date that night. Surprisingly enough, she agreed. That night was amazing. The better part was that it did not turn out to be the only date with her. There were more of them. As we started going out, she got serious for this relationship and we decided to spend the new year’s eve at my place with a few more friends. A group of friends from my college was there and a few from hers too. It was going good and right before the clock turned twelve, we stood at each other’s side with all our fellas with us. We kissed at midnight and it surely felt happy.
A few hours later though, I knew how perfectly I had ruined her new year’s.
I stood at the balcony with my guys, while she had come outside to kiss me goodbye since she was leaving for home at that time. When she came outside, she was wearing a big and wide smile on her face but when she left, she left with a promise of never seeing me again in her entire life. The moment she turned around with red eyes and sobbing voice, i rushed after her to stop her for it wasn’t until that moment that I had realised how much I truly loved her. With every step she took away from me, I felt as though every breath of mine that I was going to breathe in my entire life was losing it’s life. I ran after her but lost track of her after a certain point. That day, I lost track of her for all the years that I was yet to live. That did not feel good.
After her, I was never able to feel the feeling of love again, I was never able to smile whole heartedly again, I was never able to live again. The past seven years, I lived with the beautiful visions of her that I had saved in my head when I had watched her eat after starving for a day, when I had watched her sleep after a tiring day at work, when I had held her hand while she had cried for not being able to see her parents for another month due to work, when I had loved her without knowing that I did.
But today, when I saw her after such a long time, I realised how much I truly loved her and smiled with all of my heart. I was happy to see her until I actually met her instead of just seeing her. I deliberately walked near that street for a long time later that evening to be able to get a glimpse of hers but this time, she spotted me first. Though she did not talk to me, neither did she let me notice that she had seen me and instead, had walked past me, I stopped her. I called after her to stop her.
She never told me that she had seen me but when I called out for her, she did not stop. On the next call of her name, she stopped but did not turn around.
I walked up to her and said a few things but she just kept listening. She did not respond to anything. Nothing that I said was ever answered until she broke down at one point. The moment I mentioned a few things, she was sobbing.
“I loved you back then too. I just did not realise it until I saw you walk away from me. I could never find happiness being apart from you. Trust me when I say so, I really couldn’t find any happiness.”
“How come did you not find happiness without me? How come did you suddenly realise that you could only be happy with a girl who was an easy target for anyone and had slept with you because she was dumb enough to understand your true intentions? How come you said all those things to your peer and they became irrelevant a second later than that? How come you came to find out that you were in love with a dumb and characterless girl? How come you suddenly wished to live your entire life with a girl who was no more than a piece of dumbness?
Did you not realise all those things when you were saying those things to your dear friends and I was standing there, waiting to present to you the new year’s gift for, carrying your baby in my womb?”
None of us said a word after that and she cried very badly. Thirty-a-minutes later, I broke the silence.
“You were pregnant that night?”
“Why did you not tell me?”
“The moment I was about to tell you, I came to know that my baby’s father thought of his girlfriend to be dumb enough to get trapped in a bet of his and his friends to sleep with a girl whom he met at his work.”
“I know what I did was wrong, I’m sorry. Trust me, I chose you because I liked watching you. I liked the passion you had in your eyes and how happy you felt in between books.”
“Doesn’t matter. You chose me to win a bet over. You won some money but I won a daughter.”
“A daughter? We have a daughter?”
“Her name’s Araura. She’s seven years old and will be turning eight in three days.”
“Does she ask for her father?”
“She loves you.”
Those words told me that she had taught our daughter that her father was a good man. Also, that she truly loved me too, the way I did. She’d never forgotten me.
Even though there is a lot we’re yet to talk about but today brought me a lot. I don’t really know if she’ll ever be willing to see me again but I wish to talk to her, to see her cry once again so I can make it the last time she cries, to see her laugh with me for the rest of our lives, to make her mine once again, and this time, with all of sincerity.
However, today, she walked away from after leaving behind a picture of Araura and her. She told me that she’d never let any sort of sorrow hit her daughter and so, she’ll not enlighten her with what happened eight years ago on that balcony until she’s mature enough to let her father be forgiven. She also mentioned that she won’t see me even if we live next door to each other. I know one thing and that is that I won’t be able to live my life apart from her now. However, knowing that she is happy in her little world is still a relief to know.
I have been watching the picture for about half hour and it gives me immense happiness. It’s my own family after all. More than that, I have a family now.
Shubhrika is an emotional person and portrays that in her words. She is a coffee lover and hence an intrigued writer.
She loves to play with words and twist them as much as she can, that is her way of writing. But mostly, she loves creating suspense in her writing. She would never let the real story come out until the last part of her writings.
Writing is her life and her heartbeat.