It is strange how there can be an outburst of numerous emotions on a silent night. Night, the time of retrospection, recollection, reconciliation, realization and reasoning. It is a time to think on wider aspects and possibilities. Silently, when everybody around is busy dreaming about fairyland or having a nightmare, you dive in reality to re-check the things done and to analyze what could have been better, to modify the could be better dialogues, replies which would have had a better impact, to not have slept certain nights or ended few talks, so as to live the moment a little longer, to seek answers to questions which arise now, to get a chance to do something which has now gone forever, to add the stories and conversations that pop in your mind now, on such a silent, cold and harsh night.
There are nights when the clock keeps on ticking at its usual pace, and you end up gazing at the dark room’s imaginary ceiling, or under a blanket feel the solitude of your resonating thoughts, or stare at a 5-7 inch screen, scrolling your fingers without any purposeful activity or work on your mind without realizing that nights were made to sleep, to rest.
A restless mind that is what some says. However, I call it thoughtful, somehow sad/excited with the world souls.
Things that you wished or wish to happen unfold under the curtains of your eyelashes and you see the picture of the could be beautiful yesterday or a will it be beautiful tomorrow. You wish you had not met certain people, believed them and expressed your genuineness or you thank for the blessing of certain people in your life, who stepped in and forced you to dive in the beautiful imagination of togetherness. There is just no stop to thinking, and going off to sleep.
You feel the people you have had admiration for, or secretly loved or hated in your hearts and minds in coordination for spoiling your peace and you think of witty answers and things you could have said. Change and correction is a big part of such nights.
Sometimes its mere satisfaction that you were not fake in anything or in any relation you were a part of. However, combined with it are thoughts as to why others, you thought are genuine faked it, you ask it million times that why do people fake things? Can’t they be frank? Frankness hurts less than deception, you shout in the echoing walls of your night-brain but they go out into the world as an unheard statement.
Giggles, tears, desperation, anger, sadness, questions might perch on your mind on nights. Things, you can do nothing about lying on your rectangular or circular bed.
So when you’re finally able to close your eyes, close them leaving behind the regrets of yesterday, the possible could be of the past and the smart you could have acted in a undergone activity, rather wake up, and open your eyes trying to actualize the would be tomorrow, your dreams, the things you can still mend, the things you can repair and let go off the people and things whom you held on with futile expectations.
Expectations hurt, they always have. But, this time when you wake-up, instead of expecting from others, expect from yourself, to let go off the negativity, to untie the strands of haunting thoughts that are keeping you awake on nights like these. I don’t say sleep is a mighty thing, but sleepless nights, with you idle on the bed doesn’t help your should be awesome peace.
“Peace is hard to find, wrongly stated.
You have it right there in your head in a corner situated.
Clean the dust, remove the piled thoughts,
And live each second happily until the heart and mind talks.”