The clock ticked 10:15 am, Kaya looked at her wrist watch and then around the cabin. It was around 45 minutes since she was waiting for the doctor. The cabin, like any other doctor’s, it was spacious and subtly arranged with one wide wooden desk ideally covered with spiral bound documents, prescription pad and a laptop. Apart from official desk and chair, the room contained one sofa set and one futon.
She walked around the room and then after sometime sat on the couch. Leaning back leisurely, she closed her eyes and everything came alive, yet again. Earlier that week Kaya parked her car in front of a building where Sana was waiting for her.
Sana was in her mid twenties with fair complexion and a good built. She was attractive and adding to her beauty was her long and thick hair. Kaya waved at her, Sana looked weak that day. Her eye bags seemed heavy, like she has not slept since many days. Due to the medicines may be Kaya thought. “How are you now?” asked Kaya as Sana got into the car. “I am feeling much better now, where are we going?” replied Sana in a flat and tired tone.
“Let’s have lunch. I have called Riyansh too. Please do not get angry, but I want you to meet him and understand that whatever you think of him is wrong. He is a good guy. There are ups and downs in every relation. You cannot judge him right away.” said Kaya.
“Please stop the car”, said Sana in a slow voice as she turned towards Kaya. “In fact wait; I will not let you meet him too. It is better you maintain distance, else you will be in trouble and I can’t see you hurt” she said, as she tried to turn the steering wheel in an attempt to change the direction of the vehicle.
“Stop it, Sana. Just Relax”, said Kaya pushing her away. Kaya parked the car in one corner and turned to Sana. “I love him, Sana. He really means a lot to me but I love you equally, I am unable to understand as to why can’t you see that I am happy with him”, said Kaya, in a low tone.
Sana took a deep breath, taking Kaya’s hand in hers she said “Because you are not, why can’t you get this straight into your head? I am trying to bring you in terms with truth. He is not the guy for you.
I told you about him, didn’t I? “That’s it, said Kaya, freeing her hand, I had enough of your drama. I am not going to listen to you further; I am going to meet him now. I will drop you at your place. You need rest and I think you are not following your medicine doses properly.
Sana stayed calm and was looking down. A tear drop fell off her cheeks as she helplessly closed her eyes. “How are you? You look starined” asked Riyaansh in a concerned tone as they waited for their order in the restaurant. Kaya looked up and again down, she stayed numb for a while and said “I don’t know. She is not ready to understand.
You know, at times, I feel I shouldn’t have told her about us. She was not very good with it even when I told about you as a friend. She basically never liked the idea of you being around. I should have picked up clues and kept your topic away. At least then, both my relations would have been at peace.”
He caressed her hands warmly and said, “i am always there with you, no matter what”. “I know, you are and you will be”, she said as she curled her fingers into his. On her way back home, Kaya re-collected all the times she had arguments with Sana about Riyaansh. “I fail to understand the reason, Sana doesn’t give me space in my personal life at all, and it’s high time now I got to do something about it now” she thought to herself as she entered her room and closed the door behind her back.
“Kaya! Kaya! Come out beta, the dinner is ready”, called out Kaya’s mother from the dining room. Her voice woke Kaya up; she got up and looked at the wall clock in her room. It was 8.30 pm. “Ah! I am so tired. I guess I slept for too long”. She checked for messages in her phone as she lazily got out of her bed, there was not a word from Sana.
Her mother looked at her with concern in her eyes as Kaya feebly pulled a chair and sat down. “You look too tired, are you alright? “Kaya, did you t….” asked her mother. “It is again her Ma”, said Kaya, without making any eye contact, trying to carefully place put a piece of potato on her spoon. “I don’t know what to do with her”, she said, still struggling to hold the spoon properly. “I will feed you, give me” said her mother as she pulled the plate towards her.
“I am not hungry”, said Kaya, as she pushed her plate away. “Mom, I think the medication is not helping her. You said me everything would be okay but she is still the same, I guess we need another session. Let’s visit Dr. Swami tomorrow” said Kaya, as she quietly turned towards her room and shut the door.
Her mother got up from the chair and dialed a number, perhaps helplessly. “Hello Riyaansh, it’s Kaya’s mother. Did you meet her today?” asked Mrs. Verma. “Hello Mrs. Verma, yes I did meet her today; she was looking much stressed out. I asked her and it was again about Sana”, replied Riyaansh from the other side. “Yes, I know that, she told me about her at dinner. We are planning to visit Dr. Swami tomorrow, Can you accompany us?” requested Kaya’s mother.
“Sure Mrs. Verma. I will be there. I think we need this session, else Kaya will suffer a lot because of her friend.” “This is the fifth session doctor and I am afraid things are worsening. I guess the pills are just not working. She is getting weak and the mental state has aggravated” said Mrs. Verma as they were seated in Dr. Swami’s cabin.
Dr. Swami was a good looking man in his mid forties. He was fair, tall and well built. His salt and pepper hair made him look more attractive. Kaya looked at her mother and then at Sana who was lying a little far away, on the futon, she could feel that Sana was nervous. Kaya then looked at Riyansh, who was sitting with her. He smiled at her.
Dr. Swami looked at Kaya and carefully chose his words, “I understand Mrs. Verma, things were quite clear to me when you called me last night. I told you, this was going happen one day or the other because such cases do not have…” “Please save Sana. I cannot afford to lose her”, said Kaya interrupting the doctor. “You need to relax Kaya” said Dr. Swami.
“Mrs. Verma, I need to talk to her in person, kindly wait outside” said the doctor as he got up to escort Mrs. Verma and Riyansh to the door. “Kaya, could you please wait here for ten minutes till I return? I need to talk to you in detail about this” said the doctor. “You mean about Sana, right?” said Kaya as she sat near the futon where Sana was lying. “Of course”, said Dr. Swami as he moved out leaving Kaya and Sana in the room.
Present Day “Ms. Kaya”, a flat toned but warm voice broke the silence. Kaya opened her eyes and got up from the couch. Dr. Swami entered the room. “I am sorry for having kept you waiting”, he said as he carefully kept his apron behind his chair. “No, not at all doctor”, said Kaya as she got up and walked up to his desk. He started searching for something on his desk as they sat. “Is she any better?” asked Kaya.
“Here it is”, said Dr. Swami, as he pulled out few stapled papers from under the pile he had in front of him. “I am sorry, you said something?” he asked. “I was just asking if she is fine?” said Kaya. “We are trying our best Ms. Verma, said Dr. Swami. “Well, I am sure. I knew there was some problem with her, the way she….”, “Ms. Kaya”, interrupted Dr. Swami, “could you please tell me any latest incidents”.
“Why don’t you talk to Sana?” said Kaya pointing towards her. “Of course, I did interact with Sana, but you know how important your take is, as you are equally involved”, “Sure, Doctor” said Kaya in a flat tone, throwing her hands up in the air. “So it’s been about one and half year since you have known her?” asked Dr. Swami, leaning against the desk.
He opened up a blank page on his scribbling pad and circled number one, as he wrote “Positive” against it. “Sana and I have been friends for quite some time now. I met her during my graduation” Kaya began as she kept her handbag on the desk and moved back on her chair, almost reclining. She was a kind of person who never thought what anyone would think of her. If she likes it, she will have it for sure. She believed that everything in life either taught a lesson or gave a memory. But then, she became very scary. I almost felt that she doesn’t want to see me alive and happy.
I am thankful to Riyansh for being there with me. I never felt so secured.” “Last time you told me that you people had arguments, did it worsen? Did she get violent?” asked Dr. Swami, paying utmost attention now. “Yes. She tried to” she was interrupted as Dr. Swami’s phone rang. “Let me answer this”, said Dr. Swami, as he pressed the receive button.
Kaya got up from the chair, visibly miffed partly because of the interruption and partly because she was bored now. She had to go back home. She started walking towards the window, which was towards the end of the room. Meanwhile, Dr. Swami explained something about tranquilizers on the call, carefully observing Kaya as she walked away.
She stood by the window and stared at the busy road outside, as if trying to search for someone or something with calm eyes. There was a loud honk on the road which made her blink her eyes at once. She turned around and saw Sana walking out of the room. Kaya picked up her bag and in haste started to leave the room. She did not say a word to the doctor. Dr. Swami stared at her as he put his phone down. He scribbled something on his pad and dialed a number quickly as he got up from his chair and followed Kaya.
“Kaya! Wait! Sister! Get hold of her”, shouted Dr. Swami as he walked in the corridor. Kaya’s mother got up in a haste trying to absorb what happened. As Dr. Swami reached near the elevator he saw two nurses holding Kaya. “Doctor! Can’t you see Sana is going, Sana stop! She needs treatment; she will harm herself if she goes out in this condition. Please let me go, I need to go” yelled Kaya.
“Riyaansh please explain them, they are not letting me go, Sana needs me.” She said as she looked at Riyansh who was standing beside the doctor. He looked at the doctor and then at Kaya unable to bear the scene. She was getting wild now; she started pushing the nurses away. “Hold on Kaya” said the doctor. “What do you mean by hold on, can’t you see the patient is going and you are not doing anything about it”. “The patient is right in front of me, Kaya!” said Dr. Swami, getting hold of Kaya as the nurses moved away.
“What rubbish! Sana is your patient, Riyansh tell them. See she is going in her car, see this, she shouted as she banged the back of the car, in an attempt to stop it. “There is no god damn car here, Kaya. You are standing in a corridor. There is no Sana.” said Dr. Swami as he held Kaya by her arms inorder to bring her back from her hallucinations. “How can you say that, this is the car” said Kaya as she waved her hand in the air. “Riyaansh tell them why are you silent?” she iterated.
“Kaya, there is no Sana” said the doctor trying to calm her down. Kaya’s mother broke down seeing her daughter in such a miserable state. However, her grief turned into agitation when she yelled, “Kaya, most importantly, there is no car”, as she slammed Kaya’s head against the wall where she hallucinated is a car.
Riyansh held Kaya’s mother as she herself lost her balance. Dr. Swami tried to control the situation, he signaled the nurse beside to inject Kaya. The nurse did as instructed and Kaya felt heaviness in notime. She wanted to say something, she wanted to make them understand but words hardly came into her mouth.
She tried, tried a lot. She wanted them to see that Sana needed help. She was not able to breathe, she needed to go, go away. She needed air, she needed rest she needed reconciliation of her thoughts and most of all she needed herself back.
Kaya collapsed on the ground as Dr. Swami and the nurses tried to get hold of her. Staring at her was Sana with a lot of pain. I guess we will have to keep her here, Mrs. Verma. Her condition has worsened”, said Dr. Swami as he and Kaya’s mother came out of the ward, as Kaya slept in there, peacefully, at least at the moment.
“I had told you about the schizophrenic symptoms and its consequences. It was only upon your request that I took a risk of allowing her to stay at home. She showed all positive signs of this bipolar behavior. “I understand, Doctor” said Kaya’s mother almost choked. “Why did you leave, Sana?” asked Kaya in stern tone. Sana got up and came up to Kaya, “because you called him. Why can’t you leave him” she said.
“Just shut up, Sana, he is equally important to me. But I guess I have to choose one of you now and I choose Riyansh, I want to be with him. Please go away”, said Kaya as she put her head down on the desk in her ward. Sana looked at her in anger; she walked towards Kaya and grabbed her by her shoulders at once. She slammed her head against the wall fiercely.
Kaya turned back and pushed Sana away. Kaya then walked towards Sana who was trying to get up. In no time, Kaya took Sana by her free hair and banged her head against the wall. She kept slamming Sana’s head till she lost her conscious and fell down with blood oozing out of her temple drenching her in blood. Kaya looked at Sana who lay there lifelessly. Kaya moved back and fell down on the ground unconscious.
Next morning, the doctors found her body in the ward. Her clothes were soaked in blood. She had serious head injury. It was a clear case of self violence. Her body was taken out as Sana watched, she was dead too, After all, she was Kaya’s other side.
Bhawana is a financial analyst by profession, an ambitious girl from an ordinary Indian family residing in Hyderabad. She is the kind who lives with her work and is known as the girl with spectacles and good grades while she was in school. She is a vicarious reader and a budding writer, what better way to share thoughts waiting to come out of the grey cells and reach out to people? Stay tuned to read more from this Sahay girl from the city of nawabs!